Peace and Pandemonium

Friday, December 12, 2008


My Predicament(s)?

The inner struggle between feeling like there is always so much to do and I need to do it all, but then resenting the fact that I put that on myself. Why do I feel like that? Because I see other people doing everything therefore I need to do everything? This is not true for me.

Wanting to accomplish great things yet being frustrated because I fail. I have such high expectations for myself yet who is to say what is great and what is not?

Being desirous to express myself and my beliefs, to be understood, but also knowing that I don't have to explain myself to anyone and that is ok too. Maybe even preferable?

These contradictions within myself have been bouncing back and forth in my mind and lately I have been realizing that less really is more. With Christmas just around the corner, the need to meet expectations set by myself and others, fulfilling all of my obligations, caring for my loved ones, a deep powerful desire to create, blogging all of the above, and balancing the ACT that is life, it has all become almost too much to bear. I am someone who drops everything once I start to feel over burdened. I feel like I need to combat the busyness of this season with a non-action type of attitude so that I don't go completely crazy. I have been reading a lot of my favorite books lately. The books that seem to gel everything in life together for me. These books are special in that my insight into them is increased each and every time I read them. Books like The Prophet, Tao Te Ching, The Art Of Living, On Man and Nature. This is where I find my sanity. This is where I find my acceptance. This is how I figure out my circumstances.

I have decided that what I need right now is to allow myself to be where I am without striving for something more or better or different. I need to let life happen around me and instead of reacting to it and trying so hard to mold it and shape it. I will choose instead not to. I will allow it to be what it is and release my expectations and attachments to it. I will maintain the understanding that everything in life happens for a reason and a good one at that. I have enough, I am enough, I don't have to measure up to anything or anyone. I can just be me. What a relief!

This verse if from the Tao Te Ching. Brilliant on every level.


In the pursuit of learning, every day something is acquired.
In the pursuit of Tao, every day something is dropped.

Less and less is done
Until non-action is achieved.
When nothing is done, nothing is left undone.

The world is ruled by letting things take their course.
It cannot be ruled by interfering.

I'm right there with you. Although, I tend to take on too many things simply because I can't say focused. But, I am just like you that when there is too much to do I don't do any of it. That has been a struggle lately.
Good luck on finding balance.I'm the same in that when I'm overwhelmed, I stop doing anything at all.
Where did you take that picture?
With 4 kids, one of which is brand new, you've got yourself a GREAT excuse!!

My constant in life is seeking balance...I'm a Libra through and through. I took this (these) picture(s) at my mom's house. :)
This one's for you, baby.

I'm not cool enough to make it a link.

I'm like Rachel, too. I commit to lots of things and then nothing gets done. Even around the house. I start in one room and ending up doing little things that really have no impact in every other room in the house, just to come back to the original room and think, "What happened? Didn't I clean this already?"

have fun tonight. I'm going to start assembling my address list.
I found another link. someone's wedding pix. I know you don't do weddings, but I really liked some of her stuff.
It's funny - not only do I seem to have the same inner-struggles as you, but we tend to have them at the same times! I was just catching up on everyone else's blogs while I put off doing the next thing I HAVE to do.
You DO always seem to be one step ahead of me in pushing through to the other side though. Thanks for your constant inspiration! :)
Im right there with you too! except I can't find the words to even describe my feelings, so that is a gift you absolutely posess! I love reading your deap thoughts!
p.s. I am sooo sore from yoga! you?
I'm loving all your amazing pictures. It had been awhile since I'd had a chance to sit down and look but truly they get better and better every post. :)
Beautiful Kiera. There are definately times that I feel like your words are the thoughts that go through my mind. Thank you for your friendship. I truly love you!!
Hi Kiera - I feel bad that you're feeling bad...I'm hoping that maybe the moment has now passed...and you're back to the 'life is fabulous' stage. Just curious what event caused these thoughts to run your head? You are brave for sharing with the world. I'm a much more private person and only two people ever truly know my inner thoughts. Happy Sunday. I'll miss you at the Changs party.
I'm not feeling bad Jess, just conflicted. Sometimes life just piles up and then I start feeling this way. No specific thing happened to set me off. It's just an inner struggle that I deal with from time to time.

You probably wont see me at the party but you might see Steven and the kids...we were invited. :)
Keira,my mom has given me your peraonal e-mail 100 times but i always manage to lose it. This my be more personal than your blog was intended I just got caught up your posts from nov and dec I cried twice a good cry. It was excatly what I was feeling it was like you were reading my soal.It is so weird to me that you feel more like a sister to me than a casual aquaitance we ve only met once and talked on the phone a couple of times.You are an amazing person not only do you capture life in photos you live it OUT LOUD.Ive been reading this book YEARNINGS Embracing the sacred messiness of life. You should check it out it has been inspiring to me this month .I hope your little family has a wonderful Christmas.From one libra to another LOVE Terrisas daughter Chisty P.S I love the pictures of my mom I cried when I saw them it made me very home sick for her you caught her spirit ... IM so glad she gets to be part of such a wonderful family I know she loves you very much !
Don't feel bad, you're not the only one. We all appear to others as if we're getting it all done but we don't see what they put on themselves and what they're not getting done. I just started feeling overwhelmed too this week and I wondered why, what with everything I HAVE accomplished. But it's all the other stuff that I am putting on myself. Now, my next 3 nights are packed after working all day. But if there is something that falls through, I will let it be :) Missed ya!!!!!!
P.S. I read your comment on not feeling bad, just conflicted. I really understand. That's the perfect word!
There are days when I struggle to get through...there is just so much chaos around me all the time. But, I can always get centered with quiet prayer. Always. I hope you find the peace you need.
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