The inner struggle between feeling like there is always so much to do and I need to do it all
, but then resenting the fact that I put that on myself. Why do I feel like that? Because I see other people doing everything therefore I need to do everything? This is not true for me.
Wanting to accomplish great things yet being frustrated because I fail. I have such high expectations for myself yet who is to say what is great and what is not?
Being desirous to express myself and my beliefs, to be understood, but also knowing that I don't have to explain myself to anyone and that is ok too. Maybe even preferable?
These contradictions within myself have been bouncing back and forth in my mind and lately I have been realizing that less really
is more. With Christmas just around the corner, the need to meet expectations set by myself and others, fulfilling all of my obligations, caring for my loved ones, a deep powerful desire to create, blogging all of the above, and balancing the ACT that is life, it has all become almost too much to bear. I am someone who drops everything once I start to feel over burdened. I feel like I need to combat the busyness of this season with a non-action type of attitude so that I don't go completely crazy. I have been reading a lot of my favorite books lately. The books that seem to gel everything in life together for me. These books are special in that my insight into them is increased each and every time I read them. Books like The Prophet, Tao Te Ching, The Art Of Living, On Man and Nature. This is where I find my sanity. This is where I find my acceptance. This is how I figure out my circumstances.
I have decided that what I need right now is to allow myself to be where I am without striving for something more or better or different. I need to let life happen around me and instead of reacting to it and trying so hard to mold it and shape it. I will choose instead not to. I will allow it to be what it is and release my expectations and attachments to it. I will maintain the understanding that everything in life happens for a reason and a good one
at that. I have enough, I am enough, I don't have to measure up to anything or anyone. I can just be me. What a relief!
This verse if from the Tao Te Ching. Brilliant on every level.
In the pursuit of learning, every day something is acquired.
In the pursuit of Tao, every day something is dropped.
Less and less is done
Until non-action is achieved.
When nothing is done, nothing is left undone.
The world is ruled by letting things take their course.
It cannot be ruled by interfering.