This is me pressing the button.
Today is Evan's birthday. He would have turned 2 today. I cried. While having lunch with family friends no less. It was a little embarrassing but I think (and hope) I was understood. After welling up with emotions again today it was quickly brought back to my attention that I'm still grieving. I'm tired of feeling bad though. I want to do as my horoscope suggested. I want to embrace the cause of zoom and boom. I want to summon the brilliance to praise and create. I want to count my blessings because I have so many.
My blog has suffered right along with me these last 6 weeks or so. I haven't felt the desire to update or post. I've still been reading and enjoying your blogs but when I think of the work involved just to post my own, I fizzle. I've been thinking about why that is. Why is it that something that has brought me so much joy in the past has only seemed like a burden lately. Why cant I seem to pull it all together? It's my perspective. The way I've allowed myself to think about it. It's how I've allowed myself to think about a lot of things lately. I don't want those thoughts anymore. I want and need to fill my mind with hope, desire to create, and joy. The only way I know how to get myself back on track is to JUST DO IT!! Of course I don't feel like it. I haven't felt like it for weeks but I'm tired of that. I'm tired of feeling stuck in a place I don't want to be. Therefore I resolve to post blogs this week. One everyday!! I don't know what I'm going to blog about so this should be interesting. I feel blocked. I feel like I have to work through this and that's exactly what it is right now, it's work! Thankfully, I've never been afraid of work. Here are some of the things I have to work through.
First and foremost, following through with my goal. I need to make sure to post something
everyday without fail. I just need to do it. Make a change, get started, and then see it through.
Secondly, I don't currently have my camera. I have been having some technical difficulties with my camera and lens so I sent them both into Canon to be repaired. I was told the turn around time would be two weeks. We'll see about that. I've tried tracking the package that was sent out on Wednesday and it's still not showing any tracking information. So I don't know where it is or what's happening with my precious cargo. I trust that it's being well taken care of though so in the meantime I'm going to be exploring some older photos. Look forward to some never before seen pics from the past.
C. Yes I just typed C instead of Third, deal with it. I need to work out. I have been feeling all achy and sore lately. I've had a sore neck for 4 days now that was so bad in the beginning that I couldn't even turn my head to the left side. My shoulders are sore and my hip feels out of whack. I was sick last weekend to the point where I thought I would never feel good again. Of course I recovered after a few days and was fine but it was just another bothersome signal from my body that something needs to change! See what I mean by my horoscope fitting me exactly? I am Joan. I desperately need to see a chiropractor and a masseuse to get an alignment and a massage, but until then, I need to jog/walk.
And last but certainly not least, I need to meditate, reflect and clear my thoughts. Then I need to filter through them so that I allow only the best thoughts to be considered and contemplated. I resolve to be aware of what I let myself think and the way I let myself think about certain things so that I don't get stuck in the same cycles anymore.
The seasons are starting to change and I feel the change in me coming right along with the weather. I need to push reset now so that I can prepare myself for all the changes that are headed my way. I already know that many of them are good changes and I'm so excited for that. I need to get ready. I need to prepare now for that ever expectant future of mine.
The horizon holds many exciting things for me. I think a 2 week hiatus from the camera will do me good but I am sooo looking forward to taking pictures again. Good pictures. Creative pictures. Unique pictures. That is what I'm excited about. I'm turning 30 in October and I'm trying to mentally and physically prepare myself for that change. I'll be leaving my twenties behind forever and entering into the next stage of my life. I'm totally fine with it but it does feel weird sometimes that I'm getting older. I remember when my parents turned thirty and I remember thinking that they were so old. I don't feel old so it feels different than I had always expected it would feel. I used to think 30 was over the hill but now that I'm approaching it myself, that hill is still in the distance. Probably a constant mirage that I'll never reach. So it is with time, the more things change the more things stay the same. Everything is happening right now and I feel like I'm finally ready to take that step back into the Present!
Happy Birthday Evan!!!