Peace and Pandemonium

Thursday, August 14, 2008


Evan Chandler Haddock

A few of you already know, but for most of you this will be news. Unfortunately it's not the kind of news you would ever want to hear. If you don't want to read, I understand. I hardly want to type it.

Steven's older brother Jim and his sweet wife Angela lost their youngest son Evan in a drowning accident on Sunday night. He wasn't 2 yet. I am completely torn apart about it. It took a couple of days to sink in. Now that it has, I am so sad. I'm devastated for Jim and Angela and for their three surviving children Danielle, Kailey, and Cameron. This truly is EVERY mothers worst nightmare. It's one of the fears I have that I am afraid to even speak of, yet now, here I am, blogging about it. I wasn't sure if my blog would be the right place to put something so deeply personal but I was assured that this post would be well received. I hope that writing my feelings about it will help me heal. I also hope that Jim and Angela will find some comfort here.

Our family had the opportunity to meet Evan for the first time this summer during our family reunion. His sheer size astounded me. He towered over Sophia and she is almost 3. He was not only big physically but also brimming over with personality, life, and spirit. It was hard not to be entertained by Evan. He was an enormous source of joy, not only to his parents and his siblings but also to all of his extended family. He is and will always be an absolute precious part of our family. I will really miss him. I can only imagine how his parents will manage.

The funeral services for little Evan were this morning. Steven told me that it was very sad but that the whole family is being lifted up by the spirit. If you want to read the news article I have linked it here. The obituary was beautifully written. If you would like to read it I've linked it here.

As I have been thinking about this the past couple of days the idea of joy and sorrow has been on my mind. Having children is a risky thing. There, I said it. It's a risk. The amount of love, hopes, and happiness you feel for your child cannot be mirrored by anything in the whole world except for maybe the pain and devastation you would feel if you were to lose that child. We are each given the incredible gift of creating life. We as women get the glorious opportunity to feel that child move and grow within our womb. We labor hard to deliver this new life into our physical plane. The discomfort during pregnancy and the pain of labor and delivery hurts a lot but quickly becomes a distant memory once we have been given the very best gift life has to offer. That glorious gift of new life!! A baby more precious than all of the riches this life could possibly offer. We are immediately so deeply invested in this new baby. It seems almost instantly that our life could never be the same without. That is how quickly and how deep the bonds form. It is a beautiful thing. The joy experienced here knows no limits. This is the blessing of motherhood. Angela, this is a blessing that is yours to keep for all of eternity.

One of my favorite books is called The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran. It is one of the most insightful and meaningful books I have ever read. One of the chapters is called Joy and Sorrow. He is much more eloquent than I could ever be so I will let him sum up my feelings on the subject.

Then a woman said, "Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow."

And he answered:

Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.

And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.

And how else can it be?

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.

Is not the cup that hold your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?

And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?

When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."

But I say unto you, they are inseparable.

Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.

Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.

Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.

When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.

I am so grateful for the blessings of the temple and for the plan of salvation. I know that this may be the only thing keeping Jim and Angela afloat right now. If any of you would like more information about how families can be together forever, please follow the link.

These are pictures I took of my beautiful nieces and sweetest nephews while we were in Florida this past June. I love these kids so much and I hope that you will remember them in your prayers tonight. This whole thing has been so hard on each of them and I know your prayers will lift them up.




oh kiera. i am so sorry. my eyes are filled with both sorrow and assurance. what a terrible thing for your family to encounter, what an stinging chance to remember the tremendous and limitless plan of salvation.
my thoughts are with you.
Kiera I want to start by saying I am so sorry for your loss. You stated this blog very well, it was respectful and loving. I cant even imagine how Angela and Jim are feeling right now but I know Mike and I are praying for them and their children as well as the whole Haddock family.

I have yet to experience the joy of motherhood myself but watching you and my sister being mothers has shown me that a mothers love is truly the deepest love a person can feel for another. It is that love that I believe will help Angela overcome her grief in time.

The knowledge that families are eternal and we all will be together forever is an awesome thing. Temple marriage and such a blessing that the lord has given us. I will continue to pray for the strength that Angela and Jim and their children will need in the upcoming weeks and months. If Mike and I can do anything at all please let us know. I love you Kiera!
Oh my, Kiera. I am so so sorry for your family's loss. Your post was very brave and beautiful, and I'm sure Jim and Angela are grateful to you.
You're right...I think it's every parents worst's the very thing we don't ever want to think about.
And having kids IS risky. It's the same as falling in love. You set yourself up for such pain if that loved one is lost. But the rewards of that love are so great, it's worth the risk, and if fate has it, it's worth the pain of loss.
Oh, I am so sorry Kiera, and so sorry for your family. You have so elequently put into words that which is almost unspeakable. What a beautiful little boy, and what a tragic loss.
Kiera, forgive me but I cannot read your whole post right now because I am afraid I will lose it if I do. I mean, I don't care if I lose it, who cares, but I am at work right now. I am sad as I can be just reading your 1st paragraph. I wish this blog wasn't between us right now, and I would just sit & cry with you. I CAN'T tell you how sorry I am. I fear this everyday, I have cried for mothers who have gone through this, and I wish there was something I could do. I wish no mother could ever feel this pain. I am so sorry to you and your family. Please know I will pray for you tonight............he's a sweet looking beautiful boy. Gosh, Heaven must have really needed him up there for some good reason!
Me again. Sorry. I had to come back & finish your post. After all, so what if I lose it. It was beautiful Kiera. I think you will be feeling lots of prayers & positive vibes coming your way this weekend from all of us thinking about you.
Your family will be in my prayers. I can't imagine the pain.
I have tears afresh after reading this. That passage from The Prophet was so poetic and beautiful. My heart, thoughts, and prayers continue to be with you and your family.
This blog touched my heart and I pray that your family may feel the Lord's healing in their lives. I'm really sorry about the loss of this beautiful child. I will keep your family in my prayers.
My heart is full for your family and for the family of that sweet little boy. I'm glad that Steven was able to attend the funeral and hope that all of you are getting along ok as you go through this trying time. You're in our thoughts and prayers.
Kiera I'm so sorry that this tragic accident has happened. But I love the way you put it into words. I feel happy for the fact that you had the chance to meet this little guy this summer. How special for your family to have met him before this happened. We'll be sure and keep you in our prayers.
Kiera I am so sorry, so sad for them and for you. Death is dreadful. It leaves a gaping wound in our souls and our family. No one is replaceable. I pray God will touch their hearts and draw them close to Him.
i'm so sorry thoughts are w everyone.
Im sorry, I thought I commented on here the other day, but I didn't. What a tragic loss for the family. I am grateful they have a knowledge of the afterlife and don't have to grieve more than they are.
oh crap- i can't even think straight for a moment- that sweet little boy! his family! i cannot deal with it- and that you were his auntie- oh dear- i am so sorry and i want to help that momma- comfort her...
Oh, my heart hurts for them. Every mother's worst nightmare. :o(
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